Origins: Alice
by AnaCristina78
Summary: I've always been curious as to Alice's past. This story is my attempt to flesh together the missing pieces of her mysterious past.
1. Pinprick

_"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!"_

- Alice in Wonderland

* * *

First there is a flash of pain, like a meteor burning across the surprised sky of my skin. Then there is a scream torn from my throat, the echo of it bouncing off the walls of my room in a peculiar fashion. I open eyes to darkness, but it is a darkness suffused in red. I thrash, trying to find the source of my pain. It lashes at my bones, swims in the rivers of vein like a poisonous snake. I claw at my arms, my legs, trying to find where this ungodly pain is coming from, to no avail. I hear a laugh in the dark, but it has a broken sound to it, like a cracked wind chime.

_Now she will never be yours..._

I can't tell if the voice is inside my head or out. That's the trouble with me these days -- the voices are getting harder and harder to distinguish. I choose to ignore it for the moment, having more pressing matters at hand, such as this mysterious, searing pain.

The same voice from before suddenly sounds at my ear, very close this time:

_I am sorry I had to do this to you, my beloved, but there was no other way. He forced my hand._

"Make it stop, make it stop, please!" I scream, begging with this seemingly disembodied voice, begging with whomever and whatever will listen to me.

_It will all be over soon, my precious dear. Just lie still. _

And then I feel what seems like a thousand tiny pinpricks all over my neck, my chest, my arms. And then the pain is increased a thousand times over, until I feel my soul tugging at its root, threatening to let go. My heart races until I'm sure it will burst, my screams have gone completely super-sonic now, I'm sure, but still nobody comes to my aid. My last conscious thought is, "So this is what it's like to die."

Just before the blessed darkness takes me once more, I hear the same voice again:_ Sleep, my beloved, sleep. When you awaken, you shall not remember any of this..._

I slipped in and out of consciousness for what felt to me like centuries. Each time I surfaced, it was to the realization that the pain was somewhat diminished. But it was still there, licking the flames that simmered in my veins from time to time, as if to remind me of its presence.

I was alone, the voice having left me for now. This made me feel desperately lonely, for some reason. As if the torment was more bearable with the knowledge that I had a witness to it.

When I surfaced for the last time, I felt no pain at all. I felt strangely ... alive. But I was aware of a change. Something significant had taken place in me. But _what? _

I woke up in the darkness, like before. But the quality of this darkness was different. I realized I was lying on something hard, and there was the smell of earth all around me. I tried to sit up and discovered that I was locked inside a box of some type, very narrow and tight. It was padded on the inside walls with what felt like velvet.

A coffin.

"Breathe, just breathe," I told myself. But my lungs weren't paying attention, they kept greedily gulping in as much air as they could. I realized in some distant part of me that I wasn't hyperventilating like I should be, that I felt no pain, only panic, despite the fact that I was now punching the lid with my bare fists as hard as I could.

I broke through the wood on my first try.

Dirt and splinters rained down on me as I clawed my way out from the earth, out of what felt like oceans and oceans of soil, and moments later I was kneeling on the grass staring down at my newly empty grave. The remains of my coffin lay scattered around me, jagged shards of wood. I looked down at my hands, expecting my knuckles to be bruised and battered. But I didn't have even one scratch.

I stood up, amazed at how easily the movement came to me, bemused that the burning pain from before was completely gone. I looked around and saw that I was in a small graveyard behind a church. Before me lay the dark expanse of a forest. It was nighttime, and I could hear all the noises of the forest nearby, the chirrup of cicadas and the whispering brush of leaves that rustled under the feet of small animals.

There was no moon and little star-light by which to see, and yet my vision seemed somehow enhanced, as if I were seeing clearly for the first time. The glint of something caught my eye, and I saw a piece of marble half-hidden in the grass near my feet. I picked it up and saw that it was a piece of gravestone which must have been knocked off somehow. It was engraved with only one name, no surname: ALICE. I searched near where I had found it to see if I could find the rest of the stone, and maybe more clues as to who this Alice was, but I found only the crumbling, pulverized remains. I held them in the palm of my hands, watching as the wind stole them and carried them away on the night air.

A million questions bubbled at my lips, but I had no one but myself to ask them to: _Did I do this? Who put me in the coffin? Why did they put me in the coffin? Who am I? _

_... Am I Alice?_

As I stand there contemplating my situation, I feel the first cool drops of rain land on my forehead. For the first time, I realize what I am wearing -- a long, lacy white gown with matching heels. One of the heels, I notice, is missing. I am covered in dirt from head to toe, a complete disaster.

The rain is a welcome distraction. I tilt my chin up to receive it, amazed at how beautiful the rain looks in this half-light, all silvery and glistening.

Was my eyesight always this good? I can't remember anything about the time before, only an impenetrable darkness that my memory can't seem to touch.

It is while I am standing there, letting the rain wash away the dirt and debris from my body, that I receive my first vision.

It consumes me totally, blocking out everything else.

I can see a slight girl with short black hair darting down a dark alley. She is wearing pants with the cuffs rolled up. She's also wearing a white button-down shirt that is about five sizes too large for her, and it trails after her running form. She is barefoot.

She runs with a single-minded purpose, her arms swinging up and down like pistons. Is someone chasing her?

The vision expands, stretches to encompass her surroundings. I can see now that there is a man running a short distance away from her, constantly looking over his shoulder. I can see the whites of his eyes, the fear in his eyes, alive. No, she's chasing him, I realize.

As I watch, the man suddenly falls to his knees and the girl falls upon him, cradling his head in her hands like a lover. She moves in swiftly as if to kiss his neck, and the vision begins to blur, turn wavy in my mind's eye, so that I can no longer see it that clearly.

Before the vision fades, I see the girl lift her head and the man fall limp to the ground. The girl's eyes are ringed in scarlet and there is a trickle of blood running down her chin. But that's not what shocks me the most about this vision -- what shocks me is that she has my face. She is me.


	2. Burning

I shook my head, as if to dislodge the disturbing images from it. My hands flew up to my throat, which felt as though a river of fire was burning within.

_What is this burning?_ I wondered. _And where did it come from?_

Before I could follow the progression of these thoughts, the rainfall began in earnest, falling down in sheets and drenching me in mere minutes.

I sought the shelter of a nearby tree while I scanned my surroundings for a more suitable location to wait out the storm. I saw a shed about 300 feet from where I stood. The rain was really starting to come down now, so I would have to make a run for it. I reached down to take off my solitary heel and then I began running.

I had no memories of my past life -- I had no memories of running. And so nothing prepared me for the absolute pleasure of it, the freeing feeling of adrenaline pumping through me as I moved through the trees. I had so much fun doing it that I almost passed the shed. I skidded to a stop, sending a cloud of leaves whirling around me.

The door was unlocked. Once inside the shed, I found a kerosene lamp and a box of matches. I lit the lamp and began peeling off my damp clothes. I stood naked in a shaft of light that came through the small window. I hadn't paid attention to my body before, at least not to my recollection. I was maybe four-foot-eleven, petite by any accounts, and slender. My legs and ankles were pleasantly shaped. My skin was pale, almost alabaster. My hands reached up to feel my hair, which clung to my head in a short cap. The strands were silky to the touch. I saw a small mirror hanging on the wall and walked towards it.

I searched out my face in its tarnished depths. It was heart-shaped with almond-shaped eyes. The irises were blood-red, a startling shade of scarlet. The lips were full, curving in a cupid's bow beneath an upturned nose. I smiled at my reflection, and was startled when I saw how bright and white my teeth were. Whiter even than my skin.

There was a neat pile of clothes in the corner of the shed as well as a pair of utility boots. Both the clothes and the boots were ridiculously too big for me, but I made do by rolling up the cuffs of the pants and tying the button-down shirt in a knot at my waist. I would have to do without the shoes.

I peered out the window and saw that the rain had finally let up, so I decided to keep moving. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I knew I had to get out of here. Whoever had put me in that grave clearly didn't plan on me exiting it, and I had a feeling that I would be inviting trouble if it was discovered that I was up and walking about, clearly alive and well.

With that thought in mind, I trekked back to my grave with a shovel I'd found in the shed. I piled a clump of dirt onto the shattered remains of my coffin, tossing in the remaining pieces of headstone I'd found. There. Now it looked normal again, as if the grave's inhabitant was still inside, resting in peace. I laid the shovel against a nearby tree and dusted off my hands.

It was then that I heard a noise behind me, a footfall of some large animal. I whirled around, a guttural growl filling my ears.

There was a man standing there. He held a flashlight in his hand and his face was white with shock. His ID badge identified him as Henry Wallford, Night Watchman.

For perhaps a minute, maybe more, we stood there staring at each other. Then a sudden wind ghosted through the trees and flirted with the leaves around us. It blew his scent straight towards me. My hands clenched reflexively and I lowered into a crouch. I could feel my lips pull back over my teeth and the same growl filled my ears again.

Dimly I realized the growl was coming from me. But I couldn't process that thought now -- all I could think about was how delicious this man smelled. The burning in my throat accelerated till it was almost a fever, sending sticky tendrils that licked at the flames at the back of my throat. My mouth filled with saliva, only it was coated with a strange chemical taste.

I could see the man's pulse jumping frantically at his neck, the blue artery pronounced against his pale skin. I took a step towards him, my mouth curving in a smile that apparently confused him.

"Hello," I said. "You smell mouthwatering."

He dropped the flashlight and began running.

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**Thank you so much for reading and commenting on my story! Please keep those comments coming -- they make Alice happy. :-D**

**xoxo, Ana Cristina**


	3. A Trace of Hope

It was no effort to chase after the man -- my feet barely touched the ground as I ran. We left the graveyard and the surrounding forest and entered a small alley. The rain had let up, falling down now in a gentle drizzle that kissed my skin. We were in a residential area that seemed lightly populated. It was the dead of night and a dense covering of clouds all but obliterated the moon and stars above. I needed neither to see -- I found I could see perfectly in this darkness.

The man stumbled once as he endeavored to get away from me, then made the mistake of looking over his shoulder as he turned a corner. This caused him to stumble again, this time falling down on his knees in a shallow puddle of rainwater.

I skipped gracefully to his side and felt a bubble of laughter escape my lips.

"We meet again," I said before falling on him. I embraced him like a lover, cradling his head in my hands and tilting it so I could stare into his eyes. His scent was swirling all around me, a tangy-salty mixture that pulled at the back of my throat.

He gulped, the movement making me pay attention to the raised column of his throat. "Please," he said in a reedy voice. "Please..."

I traced a finger down his face, marveling at how soft and warm he felt. "Please what?" I said in a gentle voice.

Emboldened by my question, he continued, "I have a wife and babe at home. Please don't kill me." His voice broke in a sob on the last word.

"Ah, so you're a family man," I said, smiling. His eyes widened at the sight and I could see myself reflected in his large pupils, my smile shining like a lamplight in the darkness.

"Y-Y-Yes," he stammered. "Please, miss. Don't you have any family of your own?"

Before I could reply, a flood of images rushed into my mind. They came too fast and furious for me to completely process them, but one thing remained constant in each of them -- each picture showed someone reaching out towards me, smiling at me. And each person looked like me -- they all had the same alabaster skin and glittering eyes. The same otherworldly beauty.

The last image lingered in my mind's eye, somehow clearer, more distinct than the others. I was in a large room with many tables and chairs and a long counter in the center of it. A blond man with shaggy, unkempt hair sat at the counter reading a paper. I could just make out a date on the top of the paper, _December 3, 1948_.

I felt myself tugged towards him as though he held a magnet in his core that was inexorably pulling me. It felt like an eternity before I was finally able to reach him. I touched him on the shoulder, making him turn towards me. My breath caught in my throat as I saw him clearly for the first time. He was the most beautiful being I'd ever seen, his eyes almost the same golden shade as his hair. A warm smile lit up his face, and I knew he was smiling just for me.

_"Would you believe me if I told you I've been waiting all of my life for you?_" he asked in a lazy drawl.

Before I could respond, the edges of the image shimmered wildly and I came back to myself. I was back in the dark alley with a man caught in my arms. The clouds had parted and the moon was now shining down on us, illuminating the man's face. It was creased with the passage of years and his eyes held a trace of hope.

"Please, Miss. Don't kill me," he repeated, his voice firmer now. His hands tugged at the lapels of my shirt. "Think of your family. How would they feel if they lost you?"

For a split second, I could see him again, the same leonine man with the strange golden eyes. Somehow I knew he was out there, waiting for me even now. I had to find him.

But first there was something I needed to know.

I stood up, pulling the man up easily with me. He whimpered quietly, his hands dropping uselessly to his sides.

"I'll let you go on two conditions," I said.

He nodded jerkily, the same hope brimming over in his eyes. "Anything. Just name it. Please."

"One: You never saw me. And two: Tell me the date."

"W-What?"

I shook him in my impatience. "What's the date, today's date!"

"May 17, 1922."

I was gone before he had finished speaking, leaving him standing alone in an alley at the dead of night, wondering if I'd ever been there at all.


	4. Speed

I ran for an hour, maybe more. This time I took no pleasure in the act. All I knew was that I needed movement, I craved speed.

I stopped only when I reached a precipice. I had long before left the residential area and found myself back in the forest, only now I was in a bare outcropping removed of trees and of all other life. I was in the still before dawn, the quiet time when the world is still caught in the fringes of a dream. I stood facing the horizon, wondering why I couldn't remember any of my own dreams.

I could remember nothing that happened in the time before I woke up in the coffin below ground. Everything that came before that moment was murky, as though I was viewing it through a fog. I was only aware that something significant had taken place, both within and without me.

I sat on a rock and sank into a deep well of contemplation. I was much stronger and faster now, of that much I was sure. I knew I should feel tired after having run such a distance, but I wasn't even winded. I stretched my arms out before me. They were like pale marble. I felt the wind pick up around me and knew I should feel cold, but I felt no change in temperature. Something about my left wrist caught my attention. I brought it up to my face, suddenly caught in a stray thought, remembering.

I recalled the man, the night watchman. How his pulse had throbbed so temptingly at his throat and at his wrist. The raised blue vein pulsing with the fervor of his fear, the vibrancy of his life on display for me. My own wrist held no such pulse. I couldn't even see the vein.

"What am I?" I asked the dawn. As if in reply, the sun began its ascent over the horizon, painting the sky blood-red.

My breath caught in my throat, remembering the way I had hungered after the man's scent. Even now my mouth watered at the thought, the same strange chemical filling my mouth.

A word was dredged up from the deep well of memory. It climbed up the burning stair of my throat, pushed aside the hunger and escaped the sharp net of my teeth in a voiceless hush:

_Vampire._

Was that what I was? A blood-drinker? Not dead but not alive, condemned to walk the earth for all eternity?

These words entered my mind without my completely comprehending them: dead, alive, earth, eternity. What did they mean anyways?

Before I could follow the thread of this thought, the sun broke through a bank of clouds, its rays landing on me like a warm blanket.

Something caught my eye and I looked down in amazement. My skin was no longer the smooth alabaster it had been before. Now it shone like a multifaceted diamond, spilling prisms of color onto the rocks around me.

Was this the skin of a blood-drinker? The skin of a predator? It was almost too much to take in.

A sudden movement in the thicket behind me snared my attention, and I whipped my head up. I made eye contact with a deer that stood in between two trees. Its deep brown eyes were wide as it stared at me, and I wondered what it made of me, this glittering white creature.

Its scent filled my nostrils next, an earthy, woodsy scent that may not have been as tempting as the man's, but was still tempting all the same. I knew I would have to feed soon -- this hunger was becoming a weakness deep in the core of me, and if I was to keep running, I would need my strength.

I remembered the blond man from my visions, his tawny eyes tender in my mind's eye. I remembered the others, too, their faces alight with pleasure at the sight of me. I had a family out there, waiting for me. My future lay open like a book, waiting for me to turn the page.

I jumped up from my rock in one smooth movement, landing with perfect precision on the deer's back. It was no effort to clasp its thrashing head in my hands and lift its neck to my mouth. No effort for my teeth to break the barrier of skin. I drank until I was fully satisfied and then I started running again.

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**Keep those comments coming! They inspire me to keep writing. :) I will post the next chapter tomorrow, as soon as Alice lets me know what she's going to do next!**


	5. Patterns

**_Ten Years Later - 1932_**

A key sounded in the door and as the wind pushed it open, the scent of a human came swirling in, a heady mixture of violets and mothballs.

My mouth was full of pins, but that didn't prevent me from smiling ear to ear. I dropped the garment I'd been working on and took out the pins from my mouth carefully. Not that swallowing them, even all of them, would have done me any damage. I'd discovered by now I was pretty much unbreakable.

I stood up from my work station and walked up towards the woman standing in the doorway. She was carrying a armful of boxes, the top of her head barely visible. But I would've recognized that careless disarray of red tresses anywhere.

"Mrs. Elderberry! You're here much earlier than I thought you'd be," I said as I skipped to her side, helping her place the boxes on a nearby table.

She regarded me fondly over her tortoise-shell eyeglasses. "My plane just arrived and I was too keyed up to sleep. _You're_ here much later than I thought you'd be. What are you doing in the store at almost 4 AM?"

I started opening the boxes, smiling back at her. "Oh, you know me, Mrs. E. I'm a night owl. Plus I get my best work done at night."

"A lovely young girl like you shouldn't spend her Friday nights holed up in here like this. It isn't right, dear."

I took a dress pattern out of the first box and held it up for perusal. "Ooh, this would look gorgeous in red."

Mrs. Elderberry laughed, the sound of it like a bell. "I had a feeling you'd like that one."

"So how was Paris?" I asked as I went back to my station and picked up the dress I'd been working on, eager to finish hemming it. The owner would be back later that day and I wanted to make sure it was perfect.

Mrs. Elderberry worked methodically through the boxes, removing the dress patterns and bolts of fabric. "It was cold, dirty, and the people are positively rude. I loved it. You would have, too, Alice. I do wish you could have come."

"Someone had to stay behind to mind the store."

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Alice Paine."

That was the name I'd given myself ten years ago, when I'd left Biloxi, Mississippi behind. I knew I needed to distance myself from that place, not just to avoid whomever had made me into what I was today, but also to go somewhere less temperate, where the oddity of my skin would remain a secret. To that end, I'd moved to Chicago, Illinois, where the winters were long and brutal and much of the year spent in clouds and shadows. During the summer months, when the sun was on full display, I retreated to my hideaway in Juneau, Alaska.

For ten years I'd been living between Chicago and Juneau, straddling the line between mortal and immortal. By observing humans and their habits, I'd been able to successfully mimic their behavior. I prided myself on never having fed on one of them. Something in me, perhaps my stubborn pride, didn't let me do this, although I had to battle temptation from time to time. It got easier to resist the siren's call of their blood the more time I spent among them, although I wasn't completely desensitized. Not quite.

For three of those years, I'd been working with Mrs. Elderberry in her dress shop. I knew I would have to move soon, though the thought of this made me cringe. This was the happiest I'd been in ten years, and Mrs. E. was the first real friend I'd ever made. But that was the pattern to my life -- leave before anyone got suspicious about the fact that I didn't age, or the fact that my skin was harder and colder than theirs, that I was somehow different from them.

The visions helped guide me as far as timing. I'd received another one just last night, in which I was hiking amidst a glorious panorama of mountain peaks. I had no idea where, but I knew I would soon find out.

"Go home, Alice. It's late and you need your rest."

I looked out the window and saw that the sky was turning pink-gold with the start of a new day. I knew she was right -- although my visions had told me today would be overcast (as usual), I shouldn't risk coming in contact with the sun. Not if I wanted to stay here just a little longer.

I made a big show of yawning and stretching at my station. "Yeah, I am beat. OK, Mrs. E., see you in a few hours."

"See you later, dear. Mind your step outside, it's very windy."

I made sure to walk carefully out of the store, bending forward at the waist against the wind as the rest of the few passersby on the street were also doing. It was all a show -- not even the strongest wind could have budged me.

I walked to the small apartment I called home and unlocked the door, dropping my bag on a chair. I flipped the light switch -- and then flung myself back against the door, a guttural growl escaping my lips.

There was a man standing at the window, his back towards me. Something about his stance told me he wasn't ... normal. I also couldn't catch his scent, which raised red flags in my brain. How had I missed seeing this?

Before I could follow the frenzied maze of my thoughts, he turned, and I saw his face for the first time. It was pale and smooth as marble and the eyes were blood-red.

"Hello, Alice," he said with a smile.

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**Thanks for all the comments, guys! If you haven't noticed, I'm trying to stay true to canon as far as Alice's past is concerned. But the lovely thing is Ms. Meyer left so much unsaid about Alice's past that I have a lot of room to play with. ;) I'll try to get the next chapter posted as soon as an idea strikes. I know you're impatient to see what happens next -- believe me when I say I am, too!**


	6. Questions and Answers

"Who are you and how do you know my name?" I asked through gritted teeth. My hands kept clenching and unclenching in tight fists and I could feel my nails digging into my palms.

He walked towards me, his hand outstretched. I kept my back to the door, one hand on the doorknob now. He was a tall man, easily towering over me, and his features would have looked attractive on another man, but on him they were breathtaking. His eyes were large, the pupils bright scarlet, and they were fringed by thick black lashes. He had long black hair pulled back in a ponytail and a high, smooth forehead. His physique was that of a forty-year old man. Though tall and lean, he had impressive arms that all but strained through the cloth of his gray suit.

He came to a stop in front of me. When he saw I wasn't proffering my hand to shake his, he dropped it and smiled again.

"I don't blame you for not trusting me. I would react the same way, coming home to find a strange man in my living room."

"I think the word 'man' is questionable here, since you clearly aren't human," I retorted.

He turned his back on me again, clasping his hands behind him. He walked towards the window again and stared through it. "Yes, it's true I'm no longer human," he said. "In fact, I haven't been human for over 100 years."

This made my jaw drop, but only for a second. I couldn't help the surprise in my voice as I echoed, "100 years?"

He turned around again, a peculiar smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "I have seen more of the earth in my century of traversing it than you can imagine. I have even met others of our own kind. But I've never come across someone like you. Tell me, Alice, beautiful little fledgling, why are your eyes golden and not red like mine?"

The breath caught in my throat and for a moment I couldn't respond. Something about this man made me want to move towards him, but that same something made me want to flee. I hated feeling like this, so unsure, without my visions to guide me as they usually did.

He cleared his throat and one of his perfectly groomed eyebrows lifted in inquiry. He was still waiting for a response. "I'll answer your questions," I said, "after you answer mine."

He smiled again and spread his hands in a very European gesture. "It's only fair, you're right. My name is Alistair Llewellyn. I know your name because I've been following you for quite some time. I grew curious and had to meet you. I've been following you from Pennsylvania."

I'd lived in Pennsylvania for two years before moving here to Chicago. The thought of this man -- this _vampire_, I mentally corrected myself -- following me in all that time made the skin at the back of my neck crawl. I took pleasure in the very human feeling.

"Why have you been following me?"

"I already told you. I was curious. You are clearly one of my own kind, and yet you walk among humans, live and work among them without feeding on them. You hunt deer and elk to sustain yourself, but surely that is a paltry substitute. And your eyes are golden."

"You already said that. Haven't you figured it out yet? For all your talk of traveling the world, you apparently don't know everything. My eyes are golden because I don't feed on the blood of humans. I may be a vampire, but that doesn't mean I have to be inhumane."

I was shocked when he answered with a mocking laugh. "Oho, so you are a _humane_ vampire. What a play on words, fledgling. Well done."

"Thank you, Mr. Llewellyn. And now I'm sorry to say you need to get the hell out of my home." I reached behind me and opened the door, standing aside so he could pass through it.

My thoughts were already racing ahead, picturing the mountains in Alaska, to the north, where I hadn't traveled yet. I would have to leave soon, that much was certain, and I would have to guard my steps very, very carefully this time. There would be no time to say goodbye to Mrs. Elderberry, and I regret that, but my way of life was at stake -- no, my very_ life_ was at stake. For the first time in my short existence as a vampire, I felt the chill menace of danger creeping up my spine.

The vampire inclined his head in a curiously regretful manner before stepping out the door. "And I am the sorrier for it. I had hoped we could reach some sort of compromise, Alice. Maybe next time…"

And then he was gone so suddenly I was left wondering if he had even been there at all.


	7. Visions

I didn't show up to work the next day. I ignored all phone calls. They were all from Mrs. Elderberry, anyway, and I didn't want to speak with her -- I didn't want to be dissuaded in my decision.

As I was about to pack my things, I had a vision in which I saw her speaking to the police, trying to convince them to let her into my apartment. I watched as the cops refused initially and then agreed to let her in. I watched as Mrs. Elderby looked at my things, everything seemingly untouched, as if I would return at any moment. I saw her run a hand across my kitchen table, her eyes awash with unshed tears. Saw her face shut down when the kindly officer told her there'd been a rash of disappearances lately, how it may be connected to a series of murders over in the next county. Did I have any next of kin? No? Well, they'd be in touch.

This vision gave me a hollow feeling inside. It was as if I was already gone.

I decided not to pack, choosing to let my apartment remain the way I'd seen it in the vision. Untouched. There was nothing here I was tied to anyways. None of it held any significance for me: none of the clothes, the books, or the records. They were all trappings anyway, props to help me blend into something I was not.

Every time I closed my eyes, I could see a pair of blood-red eyes. His voice came back into my head, unbidden but there all the same...

_You are clearly one of my own kind, and yet you walk among humans, live and work among them without feeding on them. You hunt deer and elk to sustain yourself, but surely that is a paltry substitute. And your eyes are golden._

I stood in front of my full-length mirror and stared into my eyes. They gazed back at me, their golden depths seemingly endless.

I thought about the last ten years of my existence. I remembered the vision I'd had all those years ago, the one that had defined my existence as a "humane" vampire. The blood-red eyes were replaced with a pair of tawny eyes that belonged to a man I had yet to meet. A man I felt sure would come mean something very special to me. I felt the undeniable truth in this and knew it would give me the strength to keep going.

I only had 16 years left to go.

***

One week later, I stood on a mountain top somewhere in northern Alaska. I held a crumpled newspaper in my hand, just two days old. The headline was written in big, bold type: THE MURDERER STRIKES AGAIN. The article, which took up most of the front page, included a picture of the most recent victim, an older woman wearing tortoise-shell glasses. The grainy black-and-white photo did not do her blazing red hair justice.

The article spared none of the gory details, describing how she'd been found entirely drained of blood. There were no marks on her body and so far the police did not have any lead.

I shook with a rage I could not control. It was a rage commingled with grief and it made my eyes burn, but I could not cry. My eyes burned, but the tears would not fall.

The fierce Alaska wind tried its best to knock me down, but I could not be moved.


	8. Without

Despite the fact that I fed often during my trek back to Chicago, taking advantage of the diverse wildlife I encountered in Alaska's wintry terrain, I couldn't satiate my hunger. This was a hunger borne of frustration, borne of loneliness. Borne of rage.

I kept remembering one of the last things Mrs. Elderberry had said to me: _"I don't know what I'd do without you, Alice Paine."_

I had failed her, in her time of need. Out of my selfish desire to protect myself and the fragile life I had created for myself in Chicago, I had failed her. And now I was the one forced to do without.

What I could not understand was why I did not receive any visions warning me of Mrs. Elderberry's death. She had been present in my past visions -- I always seemed to know what she was thinking before the thought even crystalized in her mind. I realized now this was as a result of our closeness; the closer I was to someone, the clearer and more accurate the visions became.

I fully intended to seek revenge for my friend's death. Mrs. Elderberry was the only friend I'd ever had in my entire life. If what I was living could even be called a life. I was able to become close to Mrs. Elderberry without fear of being discovered for what I was because she was just like me -- alone, without a friend in the world. Her husband had died and she had no other family left. Truthfully, my experience befriending and working for Mrs. Eldeberry had been the first time in my existence that I really felt alive.

I had no memories of my human life, so I didn't know if I had any friends before waking up underground in a coffin. I still wondered who had been responsible for changing me -- I knew, somehow, that this same person had also placed me in the coffin underground. Had lovingly dressed me in white lace before leaving me for dead.

Mrs. Elderberry's death made me realize the importance of catching her killer. So that others wouldn't have to suffer like she did and so that others wouldn't have to grieve like I was grieving now.

Was the Chicago killer the same man I'd met in my apartment last week? A man with skin as white as the snow beneath my feet and eyes as red as the blood that now eternally slept in my veins? I did not know. I scanned my visions fruitlessly, but all I could see was my wandering the streets of Chicago at the dead of night, questioning the vagrants about any clues they might have seen and receiving no useful information in return. I saw myself learning from Mrs. Elderberry's lawyer that I was the sole beneficiary in her will and would be inheriting her business, news that gave me more heartache than joy, despite my newfound love of fashion. But nowhere in my visions was there any trace of Alistair Llewellyn.

Come to think of it, I hadn't received any visions of him prior to his popping up in my apartment out of the blue. I wondered for the first time if he might not possess some sort of vampire super-power, like me. Some sort of mental cloaking device. Hm...

Before I could follow that thought further, a vision suddenly interrupted my stream of consciousness. It was of a tall woman with strawberry-blond hair and golden eyes, dressed in a rag-tag assortment of leather and fur. She was poised in a hostile, predatory stance before me and her sharp white teeth were bared.

I whipped around with a sudden intake of breath only to find the woman from my vision about 100 feet away from me. I crouched, ready to spring at her first move.

* * *

**Thanks to chiquitin517 for the correction on Alice's height. And since some of you have asked about Alistair, no, this character is not the same Alistair from _Breaking Dawn_. I've always liked that name and when I gave my character this name, I forgot about the other Alistair. Hence your confusion. **

**As future chapters will show, this Alistair is very, very different from the other Alistair.**

**Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next chapter! :D**


	9. Eyes of Amber

Not surprisingly, the woman crouched in a position similar to mine and bared her sharp white teeth at me. Her strawberry-blonde hair was covered in snow.

We remained this way for an interminable time. The snow began to fall in heavy drifts all around us, getting into my hair and eyes. I did not blink, did not move even one muscle.

I studied the woman. Her skin was not as white as mine, though she was still very pale. Her eyes were a beautiful amber color. I detected no heartbeat coming from her and I couldn't catch her scent. _Oh great -- another one_, I thought to myself.

Alistair had been the very first vampire of my acquaintance. A very brief acquaintance that had been, of course, though I preferred it to remain that way. And now I was face-to-face with another one. They were practically multiplying.

A vision flashed in my mind and I focused on it. The strawberry-blonde woman and I were walking together. She was taking me to meet her friend, Irina. We were speaking in hushed words about Alistair. I scanned harder, wanting to learn the woman's name. Then it came to me: Tanya.

Just as she was leaning forward, ready to pounce, I called out: "Wait, Tanya. You don't want to do that."

She stopped, her pretty features knit with confusion. I could tell that I had completely caught her off guard. "How do you know my name?" Her voice was somehow both silken and gritty at the same time, and it held the trace of an accent I couldn't place.

I relaxed my stance and walked forward very slowly, my hands with the palms facing up. "I know many things. I know, for instance, that your companion is named Irina. You both live here, in Alaska. You've lived here for many years. You feed on the blood of animals. As do I."

She took a hesitant step forward, then stopped. I kept walking towards her and stopped a few feet in front of her.

"Look at my eyes, Tanya. I'm just like you."

She wavered, clearly wanting to trust me despite herself. I stood still, letting her evaluate me. Her amber eyes took me in. I knew I looked worse for the wear -- my clothes were damp and stained and my hair was at best stringy. But she must have seen something that convinced her to trust me, because in the next instance she nodded to herself and walked forward to close the distance between us, her hand outstretched.

"I'm Tanya. Pleased to meet you."

I clasped her hand. It was smooth and cool in my own. "I'm Alice. And the pleasure is all mine."

She stared at me curiously. I could tell she had at least a hundred questions. I waited patiently for the barrage that was sure to come...

"How old are you? Where are you from? Who changed you? What are you doing in Alaska? And where is the rest of your coven?"

I tackled her questions one at a time.

"I was changed in 1922. I think I'm from Biloxi, Mississippi -- at least, that's where I was when I woke up. I don't have any memories of my human life before this time, but I think I must have been around 18 or 19 years of age when I was changed. I don't know who made me -- I woke up in a coffin underground. I often come to Alaska to hunt and meditate. I have no coven, it's just me."

Naturally, my answers only led to a flurry of more questions from Tanya. I did my best to answer them. I told her about the life I'd made for myself in Chicago, the dress shop where I'd worked with Mrs. Elderberry. When I got to the part where I met Alistair, Tanya's eyes widened.

"What was he like?" she asked.

I described his impressive build, his pallid skin, and his blood-red eyes and she listened carefully, seeming to drink in my every word.

"What did he want with you?" she asked.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully, and she frowned.

"He had blood-red eyes... he must feed on humans."

"Yes. He seemed surprised to learn that I don't. I never have, and never will."

"What made you decide not to feed on humans?"

"Just a personal choice," I said with a shrug. I suddenly remembered the watchman who'd run in terror from little old me, and I had to bite back a smile.

I hesitated before continuing my next line of discussion, trying to gauge her reaction ahead of time.

"Now that I've answered your questions, will you answer mine?"

In reply, Tanya walked over to a large stone and sat down. The snow that had accumulated upon her clothes and hair during our long talk scattered in every direction as she seated herself. She waited a beat before looking at me with her liquid amber eyes.

"I have this feeling that I have met you before, even though I know this is not true. Somehow, I trust you, little Alice. Despite myself."

I tried not to bristle at being called "little." But I suppose I _was_ little to her -- she was at least five-foot-six. So I decided to keep my mouth shut -- for now.

She continued in a measured tone, "So I will tell you anything you wish to know, so long as you answer one last question: how do you know so much about me if we've never met before?"

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**I have to thank cuteangiek and heather for their help teasing out the muse for this chapter. And for those of you who are devout Twilight re-readers, I need your help on a few things: was the Denali coven "vegetarian" before they met Carlisle? And also, who made Tanya and Irina? So far, I'm just rolling with it. I figure I can make corrections as I go along. :)**

**Please continue reading and commenting/critiquing! Nothing makes me happier and more inspired to write than reading your comments. No lie! :D**


	10. Remembrance

Now it was my turn to hesitate. I had the same feeling she did -- the feeling that I could somehow trust her, even though I didn't know her. But unlike her, I had my visions to guide me.

So I decided to trust her implicitly. I took a deep breath and plunged right in: "I saw you in a vision. You see, I have this ability to see the future. I receive visions of things that haven't happened yet. They don't always happen -- the visions seem to be somewhat subjective."

I paused, remembering my shock at finding Alistair in my apartment. "And sometimes things happen that don't appear in my visions beforehand. So it's not fool-proof."

She cocked her head inquisitively. "When did you receive this vision? That you would meet me here, I mean."

"Literally a second before I saw you," I replied with a chuckle. "Like I said, the visions are subjective. It seems the closer I am to someone, not just physically but emotionally as well, the more distinct the visions are and the earlier I receive them."

"Did you have this power as a human? Oh wait, that's right -- you said you don't remember your life before the change?"

"That's right. I suspect I must have had a similar power during my human life, though. I've heard of humans who are psychic. Who knows if I was, too, during my human life?"

"It must have been very lonely for you, waking up alone," she said thoughtfully as she gazed at the horizon. The sun was setting and the sky was ablaze with color. A wolf howled in the distance.

"It _was_ lonely. But then I moved to Chicago and met my friend, Mrs. Elderberry."

Tanya noted the hitch in my throat as I said her name.

"She's not like us," I continued after clearing my throat and pushing back the grief. "She was human, and she was very recently murdered not long after I left. I mean to go back and avenge her death."

"Human?" she echoed incredulously.

"Yes. It's possible to be friends with humans. Hard, but possible. Anyways, she was the only friend I'd ever had. I will miss her dearly now that I am alone again."

I looked down, remembering anew the vision of the man I had yet to meet. The man who had somehow defined my existence since the moment I first saw him in my mind. For the first time, this vision did not give me solace. For the first time, I worried that the vision would not come true. I decided to keep that part of my experience hidden from Tanya. I had an almost superstitious feeling that I needed to keep this vision a secret in order for it to come true.

I turned expectantly towards her, hoping my face didn't reveal the turmoil of emotions beneath the surface. "So I guess it's your turn again. I want to hear more about you and your companion. What brings you to Alaska?"

Tanya stood up and linked her arm companionably with mine. "Come. I'll take you to my house so you can meet Irina. I will tell you my story on the way. Let me recollect my thoughts. It has been a while since I have had to recount my story."

We walked at a measured pace, still faster than a human's pace would be, though slower than a vampire's norm. She was silent for a few minutes and I stayed quiet, too, watching the sun sink and the moon rise above our heads.

Her voice, when she resumed talking, was low and heavy with remembrance. The accent was more pronounced this time, her consonants sharpened by the musical cadence of her voice.

"I was born in Hungary about a thousand years ago. Well, where Hungary would have been a thousand years ago. The world was a very different place then. It wasn't this fast -- this frenzied.

"I scarcely remember my life as a human -- my memories of my life before my second awakening are very faint, like pictures viewed through fog. I remember living in a small village in a walled town. I lived with my mother and five younger sisters. I was the first born, the eldest. My father and younger brother had died in a battle many years ago and we had to make do without them. We made a bit of money by sewing for the townsfolk. We weren't well off by any means, but we made enough to get by. I remember I was very skilled with the needle.

"By the time I was sixteen, I was very beautiful, with long curly hair that hung down to my waist. My eyes were once blue. I remember all the men telling me they would love to drown in my eyes." She laughed softly, at the memory. It was a very wry laugh.

"Mother arranged to marry me off to a man from a neighboring village. He was very wealthy and much older than me. I cannot remember his face for the life of me today. But I do remember my younger sisters being jealous of me, so perhaps he was handsome. I do not know.

"I still remember the wedding -- all the villagers were invited. We had so much wine, it seemed like enough to fill an entire ocean. I had embroidered my dress by myself and my sisters dressed my hair with flowers from the meadow. The ceremony was long, and the reception lasted all night. I remember being eager to begin life as the wife of such an important man. But alas, that life was not meant for me.

"A week after our wedding, I was walking back to visit my mother. I meant to bring back my veil. I wanted my sister to use it in her upcoming wedding. I was riding my husband's horse and it was midday. I was alone and for some reason there was no one else on the road with me.

"Suddenly, someone stepped out from a grove of trees and attacked me, dragging me from my horse and stabbing me in my side. It was a man with a kerchief over his face and he was very strong. He easily overpowered me. After having his way with me, and taking all of my valuables, including my horse, he left me alone on the side of the road. I was very weak and bleeding from my side, where he'd stabbed me. I knew I didn't have long to live...

"I must have fainted from my injuries. When I awoke, I was in a dark room. There was a very pale woman with blood-red eyes sitting next to me. Her face was very kind.

"'You are dying,' she told me. I was so weak, unable to respond. 'I want to save you,' she said. 'But I need your permission first.'

"The strange woman gave me some water to drink, which restored me somewhat. When I could speak, I told her, 'Please, save me. I'll be in your eternal gratitude.'

"She responded, 'What curious words, beautiful one. For you _would_ be in my eternal gratitude, much more than you know. Are you sure you want to live, even if you are damned to walk in moonlight, damned like me?'

"I did not understand her strange words. All I knew was that I desperately wanted to live. My life was guttering out like a spent candle. I clutched it with both hands and begged the woman again.

"'You will be in a great deal of pain at first, and then you will awaken changed. You will be very thirsty, uncontrollably thirsty.' She paused before continuing, 'You will thirst for blood and your name will henceforth be synonymous with the devil. So are you sure, my daughter, that this is what you desire most?'

"At this point I was delirious. I begged her again and she assented. After that, I remember little else of my human life excepting the pain of my transformation. It was a pain so enormous I thought I would surely die."

* * *

**I do not want you to get used to my being this prolific, lol! What can I say, when the muse settles in for a visit, she _settles in_. I'm using the Twilight Saga Wiki to help me stay as canon as possible, but if you catch any mistakes, let me know!**

**ETA: I knew I could count on you! Thanks to iciri-piciri**** for help re: Slovakia! Apparently, Slovakia didn't exist 1,000 years ago. Silly me! So I changed it to Hungary. Keep those corrections coming!**


	11. Awakening

Tanya paused for a moment, her face drawn. The dark smudges under her eyes seemed more pronounced all of a sudden. It was a couple of minutes before she could continue her story.

"This is my strongest human memory, the pain of those three days. I thought they would never end. It was like being engulfed in flames, a relentless pain. The only thought I could formulate in my mind was a fervent wish for death.

"On the third day, I opened my eyes to a strange world. Everything was so bright. So new. I was easily distracted in those early days and would stare at something as inconsequential as dust motes for hours on end, marveling at the way they drifted in midair.

"When I woke up, there were three women in the room with me, gathered around the bed. The same woman from before was standing at the foot of the bed with two others flanking her. The second woman had the same strange red eyes and pale skin. She looked to be a few years older than me, perhaps in her twenties. Her hair was so blond it was almost silver. She was beautiful in a very cold way. She gazed at me with calculation in her narrowed eyes.

"The third woman was about my age. Her hair was the color of corn silk and it fell in a straight sheet down her shoulders. Her eyes were as red as the others. She stared at me with naked curiosity.

"I looked at the first woman, my savior, and saw her truly for the first time. She had massive waves of reddish hair and a strong though compact build. She looked to be in her latter thirties. She was smaller than the other two women, but she was the one I feared. She seemed to have a deep reserve of strength hidden beneath her composed demeanor.

"She smiled at me and said, 'My name is Sasha. These are my daughters, Irina and Kate.'

"I smiled back hesitantly and said, 'Hello.' My voice was foreign to me. It sounded exactly as though I was singing. I held a hand up to my throat, wondering what I'd become.

"The curious one with the corn silk hair, Kate, laughed at my expression. The cold one, Irina, only stared, her smooth face impassive.

"'You must have so many questions. What is your name?'"

"'Tanya,' I answered with a hesitant smile.

"Kate held a hand out to me in welcome, in friendship. There was something about her that reminded me of my sisters. I took her hand gratefully.

"Kate and I became very close right from the start, bonding instantly. I came to know both Sasha and Irina better during the course of those first strange days. Sasha was the one who taught me to hunt, who showed me how to sneak up behind a man and feed on him without making a sound or leaving so much as a drop on the ground. With her help, I was able to track down the man who assaulted me." Tanya smiled. It was a smile that chilled my blood. "I made him pay a thousand times over for hurting me."

I did not ask how Tanya had made her assailant pay. Something told me I didn't want to know.

I was curious about two things in her story: I hadn't seen any hint of either Sasha or Kate in my visions of Tanya. I knew I had only to focus my mind once more to divine the whereabouts of these two, but I decided to ask politely instead.

A curious expression fell upon her face, almost like a pall. If vampires could cry, I felt certain Tanya's eyes would be brimming with tears right now. She stopped walking and stared at the ground.

When she spoke again, her voice was halting and steeped with grief: "Sasha is not with us anymore. We lost her ... some time ago."

I placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry," I said genuinely, wondering how Sasha had met her untimely end. In my own experience, vampires were practically invincible.

Tanya's narrative had left one other vampire unaccounted for...

"And Kate?" I inquired.

Tanya shook her head as it to dispel whatever thoughts were inside it. "As much as Irina and I were impacted by Sasha's death, Kate took it the worst. She likes to be alone these days. We try not to bother her."

"I see," I said, wishing I really could see inside of Tanya's head. I was intensely curious about what had led to Sasha's demise, but I knew better than to ask.

Tanya resumed walking. We were on a trail now that led to a large cabin at the foot of a mountain. There were lights in the window and they twinkled in a beckoning way. We stayed quiet for the remainder of the walk, each of us lost inside the maze of our own thoughts.

"You are welcome to stay with us for as long as you desire," she said with a smile as she opened the door to her home.

"Thank you," I said and then walked through the door.

* * *

**Keep those comments coming! I know you're curious to meet the rest of the Denali coven and see how both Irina and Kate react to meeting Alice... I'll have the next chapter up real soon! :)**


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